Put a Smile on your Face and Keep Moving....

My heart is in pieces and my family is completely out of whack but i still continue to move forward and try to keep a positive attitude....BAH! Right, sadly i have more negativity going through my head at this current time and i am trying to keep it to myself because i realize it is selfish for me to share these thoughts especially with my husband. He is going through so much right now, he doesn't need to know that his wife is depressed and not eating, his son is adjusting but still cries for him often and isn't sleeping or his dog stays in his crate for most of the day and doesn't even ask to go out. But yeah, things are good....I just wish i could go back to Monday when he was doubting this decision. Yes, we would have to worry about jobs and day care but i would be with him. (is my immaturity showing yet?) I keep telling myself that this is all for the best for our families future but i am seriously struggling and keeping busy doesn't help.

A big contributor to my anxiety is the fact that despite my preparing for not speaking to him, i though he could still write...but that doesn't come until later in training along with phone calls. So i may not hear anything for quite some time. The forums say "be sure to write to your AB every day, its the only thing that keeps them going" (here is more selfishness) Yes, but what about me? If i could just say good night, get a text with i love you every now and then, a letter saying hes ok SOMETHING...it would help my sanity and probably his as well! 

There is also my fears about Graduation weekend. If his flight has a trouble maker i may not be able to spend much if any time with him....not only this, but all i want is to give him a giiinormous hug and kiss, but i will no be able to do this. He will have to be in uniform all weekend and there is a strict no affection policy. *sigh* I can only hug him to say hello or goodbye. Seriously, this is my husband! and at that point it will be 8 weeks without him....and i can't even hold his hand!?! Yeah, cruel and unusual punishment in my opinion!!!! Hopefully he will stay in good graces and be able to spend some time with me/us! 

Enough pity party for today, probably more later....